Asperger and I

I came upon Asperger's syndrome (AS) by accident.  

I met a young aspie at work a few months ago.  She was not my first encounter with someone who was on the autistic spectrum.  What intrigued me was how normal she seemed.  Had she not told me, I would've thought she was just like everyone else I met at work.  

I knew nothing about AS at the time, well, other than it was a high-functioning form of autism.  I looked up AS briefly after her visit but the curiosity was quickly overshadowed by other things in life.  

AS kept lingering somewhere in the back of my mind, somehow I just had a feeling that I should learn more about it.   A couple of months ago, when I had a little downtime, I started researching information online on AS.   As I looked more and more into its symptoms and traits, I couldn't help but think to myself, "Gosh, this is how I've felt most of my life!  This is me!"

Does it mean I have Asperger's syndrome???

I've felt like an outsider most of my life.  Communication has never been easy for me.  I don't like going to gatherings and parties because I dread talking to people.  I have a hard time understanding jokes and I don't enjoy chit chats. On multiple occasions, people told me that I seemed very standoffish when they first met me.  Truth of the matter is, I am very quiet when I don't know what to say.  Well, in the NT (neurotypical or non-autistic) world, my action (or non-action) is often interpreted as arrogance.  

So am I on the spectrum?  Reading through traits of AS, my husband and I both felt that I was very much on the spectrum.   But I wouldn't know unless I sought a formal diagnosis. 

I wanted to find out.  Why?  My husband asked me, even if you were diagnosed with AS, it wouldn't change anything.  You have a stable job, a good marriage, an overall very happy life, what difference does it make?  But it matters to me, I told him.  I want to know if I am just plain weird or if there is an explanation for all my quirks.  Besides, I've often felt that the world around me is weird, people in general are strange, they often like to say one thing but mean another.  They talk about things that are really not of importance and call it socializing.  There were many occasions that I even thought my husband was weird.  

The more I read about AS, the more I realized that if I wanted to seek a formal diagnosis, I would have to find a psychologist who was experienced in working with AS adults, especially females.  As an Aspie grows up, he/she learns coping mechanisms to fit into the NT world, diagnosing an adult takes more skill and experience than diagnosing a child.