I lived with my parents sporadically before I moved in with them. When we finally started living together, my parents were baffled by how my grandmother raised me. I had never done dishes, in fact, I wasn't allowed to even set foot into our kitchen in Hong Kong. I was very direct and blunt, always saying what was on my mind, regardless of situation. I could not "read" situations. I couldn't tell just from someone's tone of voice, facial expression, or body gesture to know that he/she wanted help, he/she was annoyed or he/she wanted me to STOP talking. They chalked it up to my grandmother sheltering me too much.
They felt a major makeover was in order.
Helping out with simple household chores was just a beginning. My parents were sociable people. They liked to have friends over and enjoyed gatherings. I was the opposite, I liked to be alone.
My parents thought I was strange and anti-social. When they had friends over, all I wanted to do was to stay in my room. "That's a very unlikable behavior." My parents said. I wanted to be liked, but in order for my parents to like me, their friends had to like me. My parents wanted their daughter to be outgoing and sociable. A girl with a happy, bubbly personality who could get along with everyone. That was not me, but I wanted to make them happy, so I tried and tried, I wanted to be the daughter they wished they had.
It was not easy.
A year after I came to the States, my father returned to Asia for work. He passed away when I was 28 years old. I think I spent a total of 5 to 6 years with him in my entire life. My interactions with him were limited. My mom was the one who ended up with the responsibility of "helping" me. All the conversations I will be listing later are between my mom and I.
My mother was born in the early 1950's. She was taken out of school, against her will, during the Cultural Revolution. She is outgoing, optimistic, sociable, and witty (the total opposite of me, LOL). Given the right opportunities, I have no doubt in my mind that she would've had a very successful career.
In hindsight, I am very grateful for all her "nitpicking" during my teenage years. Growing up, I just thought she was very pretentious. She wouldn't let me say what was on my mind. I was forced to say what was appropriate for any given particular situation. Not only my words, but my facial expressions and my body gestures had to match my words.
My mother has no background in psychology, she didn't even get to go to high school. But her motherly instinct told her that her daughter was going to struggle in the normal/NT world. She taught me skills to walk through the maze of NTs. She did not do it by gently holding my hand, she did it by repeatedly nudging and pushing me in the right direction.
Was I always cooperative? Of course not. At times I resented how bossy and insistent she was. But my deep-rooted Chinese upbringing always got the better of me: A good child is an obedient child. Besides, she was very well-liked amongst her friends, I couldn't argue with that.
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