Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Teachings from my mom

My mom taught me many things during my teenage years.  I will share some of them.  Some of her comments may appear very harsh, please take it with a grain of salt.  Part of it may be due to cultural differences, the other part is, I think she felt that straightforward comments were easier to get through to me. 

The goal for my blog is to share how I found my niche in life.  I am not saying this is the best way to help someone on the spectrum.  Bear in mind, my Chinese upbringing made me a lot more tolerant to negative remarks.  I wasn't raised with praises.  My teachers in Asia were kind but critical at the same time.

I don't know how it is in Asia nowadays, but I was there in the 1970s and 1980s.  There were a lot of things I was not allowed to do in school.  Being respectful to parents, teachers, or any authoritative figures was expected.  Talking back to teachers or someone who was older than me was a big "no no."   If one got a bad grade on a test, his teacher had all the rights to reprimand (verbally and physically) him in front of the whole class. Corporal punishment was well accepted back then for bad grades or misbehavior. 

School policies were expected to be followed strictly.  We had to wear uniforms.  Any deviation from the dress code resulted in a student being sent home.  He/she was not allowed to come back until dress code was met.  If the student was late because of it, he/she was penalized for it. 

Growing up, I was taught to follow rules and be respectful to elders.  As much as I disliked my mom nitpicking and pushing me all the time, I absorbed the information, like what I was trained to do.  Little did I know how much they were going to help me later. 

My mom took every opportunity she had to teach me.  If she saw something she liked or didn't like, she would point it out to me.  These scenarios filled my daily life.

Scenario 1
Mom and I in a shopping mall, a woman pushing a large stroller was trying to open a door.  A man behind her rushed forward to hold the door for her.
Mom:  You see you see?  You have to do that, too.  You see someone carrying a lot of stuff or pushing a stroller or a wheelchair, you open the door for her.  You have to be a step ahead.  Understand?  That's being thoughtful.

Scenario 2
Mom driving home after we had dim-sum at a restaurant with a group of her friends.....
Mom:  You have to be observant ma.  You saw Auntie Yan's teacup was almost empty?  You should've filled it.  The teapot was right next to you, it was too far for her to reach.  You saw Uncle Zhang was trying to pick up a spring roll that was in front of him?  You shouldn't rotate the table then ma.  You have to pay attention to these things, otherwise people will say you mom never taught you manners!





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